Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Calling All Cars, Calling All Cars . . .



Smnffghchghfff, uh, niner-niner, we have a code five on the run. Suspect is a white male wearing (do I see what you see, Ralph? affirmative? well . . . alrighty then . . . ) uh, wearing only a diaper and socks. We recommend the K-9 unit be called in on this one--suspect is leaving a distinct odor in his wake.

Ten-four. Standby.

Niner-niner. Forget K-9 unit. We've located suspect's discarded apparel. I need a code one. Please dispatch the HAZMAT Unit immediately. I repeat, please dispatch the HAZMAT Unit immediately. And I mean, NOW!

Ten-four on that . . . I repeat, ten-four on that. Ralph? Archie? Hey guys! Guys?

Monday, November 23, 2009

Free Admission

Following the birthday chow-down (see previous post), some of us (minus Christian's entourage who got detained by the ol' "stuck in freeway traffic" misfortune) mosied over to BYU to watch this month's feature movie from BYU's Special Film Series Collection entitled, "The Flame and the Arrow." Well. Hmm. I don't quite know what to say except that the old adage, "you get what you pay for" certainly lived up to its hype this go round.

I must say, however, that watching Burt Lancaster joust and parry in his medieval outfit, complete with tighty tights, was a highlight for a certain demographic in the audience. By the by, did you know that they had spandex in 1950? I didn't know that. Did you know that? I didn't know that. But I do now. Whooo-eee.

There is another old saying that goes, "we're not laughing at you, we're laughing with you." Okaaaaay. Yeah. Let's run with that. But honestly, we had a hilarious time thanks to you, Mr. Lancaster (no offense). No, really. We loved it. Especially when half of the characters spoke with British accents and the other half did not. And even more especially when those who did speak with British accents were supposedly playing German characters. Pure gold.

We'll be back.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Double Dip

HAPPY BIRTHDAY,
ASHLEY AND JORDAN!!!
TO TWO (dos, deux, zwei, tva, got that?)
OF THE MOST AWESOME, EXTRAORDINARY,
AND WONDERFUL PEOPLE:
MAY YOUR VERY DEAREST WISHES COME TRUE!!!

And, Kimball wishes you all of the happiness in the world, too!


Please view the video below then pause a moment to take a quick poll.

video
POLL: Judging by the look on Kimball's face, does he think this waiter is:
a) Fresh from his latest concert at the Met where the pay scale must be pretty lame because, ahem, here he is moonlighting at Gloria's Little Italy;

b) Heck-bent on scaring babies and small children into silent and stunned submission in an effort to ingratiate himself with nearby patrons as he guns for bigger tips

c) Pretty hot stuff


Polls will remain open for the next 48 hours. Thank you, and come again.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

That's My Girl! (As In, MINE!)

I happen to be closely related to one of the most amazing people I know. How she came to be so fabulously accomplished while being raised by a quasi-dippy mother is something for the heavens to explain but for which I shall ever be grateful.

ASHLEY,
CONGRATULATIONS ON
DEFENDING YOUR THESIS!!!
You were simply maaaaaaaarvelous!

To read more about my incredible off-spring (just how did that happen anyway?) and her fantastic milestone, go here.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Who Needs Chocolate When These Are Delivered?

There really is something better than chocolate? My! The very idea! Yeah, I know that even the merest hint that there could actually be something more sought after than a box of Debauve & Gallais bonbons comes within a breath of being sacrilegious in certain social circles, but honestly, these pictures are the sweetest treat I could ever wish to receive. Delish!


Saturday, November 14, 2009

AF Marching Band Rocks!



The friends and family members of the band anxiously awaiting the announcement of the top 12 bands qualifying for finals--a more supportive group I have never seen


Sadly, the American Fork Marching Band didn't make the finals at the Grand National Competition. Shucks. But they gave it everything they had, and that is enough. The band wanted to do this for themselves, of course, but also for the memory of Heather Christensen, one of their band staff who was killed in the bus accident last month. After having dedicated this show to her, I think the band will now have closure and can move on. Even though the band won't be playing tonight, their incredible story will be featured during the finals at the Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis. Very cool.

Now, I just want Christian home.

I AM SO PROUD OF CHRISTIAN!!!
HE IS MY HERO!



Sentiments of sympathy for the loss of Heather from other bands



More outpouring of kindness and support


Letters and emails streamed in with messages of love



And more



From bands all across the state


Even fierce rivals




Hundreds of trophies earned by the band



Hundreds more


Now, do you have a sec? Don't hang up! I have to share a merry little story with you before you and I say goodnight:

So, Christian has always felt a bit deprived because he never got to eat at . . . ga . . . ga . . . gagWhite Castle . . . gag . . . (ooh, hairball) . . . while we lived in Illinois. Actually, he did have that, aaah, shall we say, opportunity, but I suppose he was simply too young to remember it. Either that, or his brain did that nifty thing it can do, and it wiped that truly gruesome experience out of his conscious mind. I, on the other hand, was old enough to remember it, and my brain did not do any wiping. So, since Christian was in Indianapolis for the band competition, and since he was only down the road a smidge from a gagWhite Castle, and since he prides himself on being something of a gourmand, he jumped at the chance to partake. The official pronouncement? And I quote, "White Castle has GOT to be the very bottom of the fast food chain," unquote.

My sincerest apologies to Messrs. White and Castle, but sometimes mom really does know best.


Friday, November 13, 2009

AF Marching Band Update

Out of 130 bands, American Fork is
one of 34 bands in the SEMI-FINALS!!!!
The band will perform tomorrow
at 9:45 a.m., M.S.T.
Pray.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

They Are Going to Grand Nationals!

(Christian is second quad from the right)

Holy cats! The American Fork Marching Band has decided on a moment's notice to attend the BIG KAHUNA of marching band competitions at the Bands of America Grand National Competition in Indianapolis this Friday! Wha . . . ? How? . . . When did they . . . ?

This will be very, very hard, but I will try to make a long story short: The band previously decided to go to the national competition next year (as in, NOT this year) as it is extremely expensive for the families to fund their child in the band in the first place, not to mention adding an additional $900+ to pay to go to the national competition. The band director is very sensitive to the outlay that each family must bear, so he only takes the band to the national competition every few years. This year was not to be one of those years. However, (cue dramatic music here) after the band's final performance at the Bands of America Regional Competition last weekend, (AF totally swept the competition and took every single shiny prize the BOA dangled in front of them, hooha!), the BOA judges were so blown away by AF's show that they approached our band director and told him that he must take his band to the national competition. This. Coming. Week. I think our band director's mind must have blasted out of his head at that point with even the suggestion. I mean, really. These national competitions are such a big deal that years, years!!! of preparation are made before taking the band to such an event.

Imagine trying to get the parents onboard with the idea, the school district's approval, hotels, flights, semi trucks driving the equipment half way across the country . . . seriously an unbelievable undertaking. Probably harder than trying to squeeze into a pair of Spanx. The logistics alone are staggering: 221 band students and about 30 staff members and chaperones to put up in hotels, feed, transport by air and then bus . . . cuurraaazzzzzzyyyyyy. Those BOA judges are just plain daffy. Insane. No way. Nuh, uh. Oh. By the way, the band is going. SHRIEK!!! Can you believe it? They are going!!! In the space of about 36 hours, a parents meeting was held, votes were cast, money was collected from each family, donations were made for those financially limited, and the BAND IS GOING.

One moment Christian is picking out his tux for this weekend's formal preference dance (one of the casualties of all of this), the next moment he is packing up his jammies and his drumsticks racing to catch his plane. As an aside, that boy is one tall drink of water in his Agent 007 tux. Just sayin'.

There wasn't even a time slot available for the band in the competition. Like I said (humphf! were you even listening?), this competition is huge, and bands spend years anticipating it. The BOA judge said he would squeeze AF's band into the lineup on the very first day of competition before the very first slot, which isn't even officially a slot. Then a miracle happened (harp music here). Another band dropped out. Just like that. So now AF has an official time slot.

Friday. 11:00 a.m. MST. Pray.

Now you have my permission to say, "liar, liar, pants on fire." Apparently, making a long story short is way beyond my ability.

Monday, November 09, 2009

No Way Was That Marshall Matt Dillon


We loaded up the ol' family truckster with an assortment of folks and ventured down to see the latest in BYU's Harold B. Lee Library Special Collections Film Series. The movie, "The Thing From Another World," is a great black and white 1951 sci-fi flick with James Arness aka Matt Dillon of tv's "Gunsmoke" starring as The Thing. Frankly, if that really was James Arness grunting and clomping around in those size 15 boots in the movie, for all I know, that could have been my mom starring as Miss Kitty in Gunsmoke, cuz The Thing was on the screen for all of about 20 seconds and always at a blurry distance. There's no way you could know that James Arness was anywhere near that movie set. Your Uncle LaVere could have played the part of The Thing and your Aunt Gladys would never have been the wiser. I hope James Arness' relatives weren't counting on him having some terrific face-time in this particular role. In the film's defense, however, the movie was actually quite good for its day. Great acting, snappy dialogue, clever story line--well worth the admission price (uh, free). We shall return.

Hmm. Gosh. For all I know, it WAS my Uncle LaVere in those size 15s. He always was a rather stiff clomper . . . .

Saturday, November 07, 2009

Thursday, November 05, 2009

I'm the Luckiest Girl!

Um, St. Peter? Hello? Hello? Have I died and gone to Heaven? I can hardly believe that I have been blessed with yet more pictures of Seanie. After all of those months without one single picture. Months and months. Hoping, praying, finger crossing. Months! So I must share:


Sean's shoes have obviously lived the hard life. Lots of walking. Not very many chances for resting atop of an ornately carved mahogany desk. Rarely a day off for good behavior.



Here is Sean preaching to the stubborn but doing so with a lot of enthusiasm and sincerity. Alas, Mr. Bernard Bull has a hardened heart and has closed his ears to the truth. He may also be color blind.


A peculiar pecking order manifested itself when six elders shared a single mirror. I guess it helps to be 6'2". (The last the best of all the game, and all that jazz . . . or is it the tallest?)
Believe you me, more photos will follow. So gear up, boys and girls. I'm wearing my Mother-of-a-Missionary badge with honor!!!

Monday, November 02, 2009

They Know How to Make Me Smile (even if it's a lopsided smile)

Ashley, Jordan and Kimball showed up at my door the other day with a delivery of comfort, love, sunshine, sympathy, and flowers! They sure know how to raise the spirits of a gal who has been a bit down in the mouth lately.

The problem, if you really want to know, is literally with my mouth. A root canal gone awry, in fact. Drama with a capital D-R-A-M-A. Pain, pain, pain. A brief run-down:

1 gigantuan tear-your-hair-out toothache

1 dentist in NYC on vacay

1 phone call to unknown dentist to just SHOOT ME DEAD(!), please

1/2 root canal performed by unknown dentist to alleviate pain, but not completed (fear of stepping on other dentist's toes?)

1/2 root canal completed by home-again dentist but sealing in bad germy dudes

1 iwannadierighthereandnow night

1 iwishicoulddierighthereandnow day

4,5,6, or more? phone calls made to:
dentist vacaying again--this time at Powell
retired dentist/neighbor
unknown dentist
family doc
local medieval barber for a bloodletting
anyone? anyone? Bueller? anyone?

1 trip to ER out of desperation

1 dose of very aggressive antibiotics through IV drip immediately administered

1 trip to ER next day; side note: H1N1 flu very popular with locals

1 dose of very aggressive antibiotics through IV drip (ER registration identical to first day; huh? computers don't store info? who knew?)

1 Sunday night visit to was-water-skiing-but-now-home-again dentist's office for aaaaacccckkkk drainage (UNBELIEVABLE pain, I cannot even begin to . . .)

1 love song composed as an ode to the miracle of Lortab

1 visit to dentist's office for more aaaaaaaccccckkkkk drainage with a rubber drain sutured in

1 visit to hospital to receive more IV antibiotics--watched Oprah (not on my fav list, hasn't been for a looooooonng time now)

1 visit to dentist's office to determine drain needs to remain in place (office in the middle of shooting a commercial . . . quiet on the set, please . . . and I'm not making this up)

1 visit to hospital to receive #4 IV antibiotics--watched Oprah again (that Judge Judy can be so grating, don't you think?)

1 visit to dentist's office; removal of drain after dentist searches, searches (yeow!) for suture knot

1 bottle of uber-robust oral antibiotics which make food taste like . . . ick . . . or is it the IV? Whatever. It's just . . . ick.

1 jaw looking more like a squirrel with a nut in its cheek than a puffer fish in full-bloat mode

1 case of rash/hives presumably from antibiotic

2 trips back to dentist for monitoring purposes (office staff still aghast at the sight)

1 thankful me who can cope with what might be up to a month of dealing with remaining knot of infection as well as complete numbness(!) of part of my chin but is relatively pain-free in comparison to recent days/nights

1 saga to be continued with future visits to dentist, but with (hopefully) the worst having had its ugly way with me

And . . .

1 partridge in a pear tree.

So where was I? Oh, yeah. Thank you so much Ashley, Jordan and Kimball. The flowers are exactly what my weary little soul needed. You are the bestest.



Look if you dare but use caution; small children should be escorted out of the room . . .





Count yourselves lucky that this picture was taken before my cheek
reached its pinnacle glory. My bishop was privy to that sight, however,
and I swear, he nearly fainted dead away. I could tell it took every ounce
of decorum he possessed to not run screaming like a little girl out of my house.