Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Oh, Shoot!

This is the edition of my childhood

When I was a kid, my brothers and I would huddle on the floor in our living room and play round after round of Chutes and Ladders. (Well. Now that I think about it, perhaps it was just one round per go. I'll freely admit that I was a whiner, and big brothers can only take so much of a little sister who is a whiner before they lose all grip on sanity and lock the little whiner out of the house while they crank up some good Black Sabbath. Hi Gwyl! Ahem.)

Anyway. I clearly remember being deliriously happy with my good fortune whenever my beat-up and bent-in-half cardboard character would land on the mother lode ladder and I was able to walk my little character up to the top of that ladder, rung by rung, straight onto space "84." (That space is where sweet little Nurse Betty receives a gift from her very young and apparently parent-less patient after she puts a lethal tourniquet {too tight! too tight!} on his leg at the bottom of that mother lode ladder on space "28".) Ha! Look at me! Almost to space "100!" Until. Ooooooooh too bad. The spin of a "3" just dashed my little six-year-old hopes to smithereens. Whine.

It wasn't until very recently that a ginormous light bulb blinked into the "on" position over my head as I realized it wasn't "shoots" but "chutes." Holy cats, how many years have I been operating under misguided propaganda?! (Twenty is all I'm copping to.) But, holy cats! This rocked my whole world! It's "chutes?" Really? Not "shoots?" Jiminy.

So, I'm wondering, have you had an epiphany like that? One that suddenly hits you like a cast iron pan to the forehead (CLANK!) when, after many years (but twenty is all I'm copping to, right?) of thinking one way, you suddenly go, "Duh-uh! I. am. such. an. idiot."

Huh. Shoots vs. chutes. Get out!

By the by, the reason this revelation even came to bear is because I yet again forced Dave and Christian into servitude and demanded asked with a lot of honey in my voice that we all play a rousing game of Shoots, er Chutes (sorry, old habits die hard) and Ladders as part of our weekly Monday Evening Sagers Family Gala and Soiree. (Formal attire requested but optional.) Praise the Lord that both Dave and Christian have a high tolerance for whining, otherwise I'd for certain be banging on the door pleading and begging to be let back inside before Old Lady Clax* sics her dog on me out there in the dark--just me and my little beat-up and bent-in-half cardboard cutout self.

This is the edition I whine over now

*Another revelation! True story: It was only a month ago that I found out from my mom that Old Lady Clax is spelled "Old Lady Clax" and not "Old Lady Clacks." After all these years, that discovery just about blew my brains out. Wow.


Lindsay said...

you know that song secret agent man well, up until about 2 years ago, i SWORE the words (and title, by the way) were "secret ASIAN man." common mistake for a young child, but i was neither at the moment of revelation :}

Gwyl said...

This story is so funny it has to be true.

Melissa said...

I've never told anyone this, yet I will now make it completely public. Up until VERY, VERY recently I thought the words to the primary song, "I belong to the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints," continued on with, "I know who I am, I know God's plan, I'll follow him vain."

Then one day last summer it hit me that following something in vain was never good. I immediately looked up the lyrics, and was totally mortified.

I guess we all do it. (Some of us more sacrilegiously than others).

Lisa said...

The song ..."If you like pina coladas, getting stuck in the rain"....I heard as "If you like beef enchiladas..." I guess I translated it to the Mormon version!