Tuesday, December 07, 2010

BOO! (Part V)

Grandma Pauline, who was channeling Martha Stewart during Martha's dark "Folsom Prison Blues" days {thank ya, Johnny Cash}, and Grandpa Richard, who was channeling Mister Death Came a-Knockin', threw their annual Halloween Blowout for any and all takers who were brave enough to face up to this nearly unrecognizable duo. (If you look closely though, you will be able to see that, indeed, it is Grandpa Richard lurking under that hood! I'd know him anywhere! I think it was his facial expression that gave him away . . . .)

Miss Folsom Prison Blues and Mister Death Came a-Knockin' certainly know how to do it up right! The decor, the ambiance, and the food were worthy of Martha Stewart's praise, even if Grandma Pauline did steal Martha's jailbird style to call her own. Frankly, I think Martha would have been quite flattered by Grandma's homage to the prison stripes.

Allow me to state right here that I know I have some fairly eccentric hangups, and you're about to learn about one of them. I don't mean to offend. It's not you. It's me. Some people can't stand nails being dragged down a chalkboard. Me? For me it is having pantyhose on my head. I know for most people that's just dandy. It's just me. Just realize that as you read on:

So, what's with the funky burglar disguises you ask? (See blackmail worthy photos below.) Well, I'll try to gag my way through this explanation without suffocating at the very thought of pantyhose being on someone's face. Seriously? Pantyhose, people! Pantyhose are not for the face. Oh, the very thought . . . gaaaa gaaa gaaaaa, I don't think I can manage to go on without being si . . .

Whistling. Tick, tock. Tick, tock.

Okay. I'm back. BTW, have you ever noticed how cool the tile on a bathroom floor can be on the side of your face? Just sayin'.

Now, where was I? Oh, yeah. That. Well, the object of this ga . . . ga . . . gag . . . g-a-m-e (whew!) is to see how many pint-size water bottles one can knock over while wearing the pantyhose on one's head. (It's pantyhose, people! not facehose!!!) As a bonus, to complete the entire you-are-kidding-me-right?-look, said pantyhose contained a tennis ball in one foot, which tennis ball was swung toward the water bottles set up on the floor in an effort to knock them down before one's opponent manages to do the same. Oh, my stars, I don't think I can even finish this with a straight face. Anywho, the secondary (although unspoken) object of the game is to determine who will inhale the pantyhose first and keel over and DIE. RIGHT. THERE. Cuz, I swear, that's what would have happened to yours truly--I came this close to doing just that while merely observing this hoohah. No way, no how, was I going to put that pantyhose over my face. Especially after it had been shared by who knows how many others. My junior high health teacher did teach me at least that. Her voice is still ringing in my ears: "Do not share used pantyhose. The end." (Or at least, I'm sure that's what she would have said had she been faced with a pair of used pantyhose. I'm quite sure she would have said that. Pretty darn sure she would have said that.)

The heavens be praised that Grandma and Grandpa put this spectacular party together for all of us crazy folk who were all dressed up with no place to go! Honestly, Dave would have gone ballistic when and if those security guards at BYU's LaVell Edwards Stadium would have had to destroy his dreams and escort him off the football field probably yelling after him, "FOR THE LAST TIME, DON'T CALL US! WE'LL CALL YOU!" Pouty Dave would have been impossible to live with after that had it not been for this party where he could go and toot his little yellow whistle. Thank you so much, Grandma Pauline and Grandpa Richard!


Lisa said...

Oh I am so with you on this panty hose matter. NEVER! NEVER! NEVER!

J, A & A said...

I think the thing we miss most about living in Utah is Grandma and Grandpa Sagers' Halloween party. Looks like y'all had a blast, as always! And I love Grandma's costume...that's just classic :).