Friday, April 01, 2011

Hey, That Was Just the Pre-game Warm Up!


My introduction of Mrs. Latrodectus to you here was merely the pre-game hype to suck you into the madness and insanity of the Super Bowl of Spidermania at our blessed home sweet home. You guys just don't know what you are missing by not living at the Creepsmeout Institute's officially sanctioned "Spider and Snake House," also quite fondly known as my arachnid infested home. Lucky duck me.

"Hey, Troy! What does the competition look like for today's big Spidermania Super Bowl matchup?"

"Well, Howie, there's stiff competition this year with Mrs. Latrodectus leading her coffee klatch of widows sporting their spiffy black and red uniforms as they go up against the much larger (although still merely babies, believe it or not!) and furrier tarantula team led by their star quarterback, Bubba Theraphosidae. My, that name's a mouthful, Howie! Reports are in, however, that Bubba worked very hard this past off-season and has actually learned how to spell his name! His third grade teacher, Mrs. Orgill, must be so proud right now."

"Thanks, Troy! Okay! I think we're about to view the coin toss to see who receives first, but . . . oh my! . . . Oh, dear! So sorry, Troy, but the control booth just told me that Mrs. Latrodectus is not eligible to play in the Spidermania Super Bowl because, well, because, heh heh, can this be right?, well, Troy, I'm being told in my earpiece that Mrs. Latrodectus lost her eligibility to play when she was, ahem, unceremoniously flushed. That'll do it to you, I guess."

"No! Seriously? Howie, you're freakin' me out here! Seriously? Well, if that's the case, then Bubba and his hairy team of tarantula toddlers win by default! Woo hoo! Let the partyin' begin, cuz, guess what? It's Friday, Howie, and we gotta get down on Friday!"

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend

*Go here if you want this song to be eternally stuck in your brain with no hope whatsoever of shaking it loose. You are forewarned. Don't blame me. You have your agency. (But check it out anyway {mischievous grin})

Personally, I have to say that I'm a little bit perturb-ED with that fuzzy and leggy Bubba Theraphosidae. When I first met him, he didn't even have the common courtesy to rap on my door with his little sticky foot. He just up and cha-cha-ed right across my threshold and straight! into! my! mud! room! Just like he owned the joint! Sheesh. Spiders these days!

I have half a mind to send my silver-tongued friend, Ssssir Thamnophis, over to give Bubba a good tongue lashing about proper manners! Woopsy. Well, I guess that's just not going to happen. Uh, I kinda forgot that Ssssir Thamnophis is without a silver tongue due to the fact that he is without a mouth due to the fact that he is without a head due to the fact that Christian accidentally decapitated him with our Snapper Standard Mulching RP217019BV 7.00 hp Briggs & Stratton Mower out near my chrysanthemums.


Bubba Theraphosidae saying "howdy-do" to Christian's hand





Bubba Theraphosidae patiently waiting for the coin toss




Ssssir Thamnophis poses for the camera before the
unfortunate decapitation



Raise your hand high if you're suddenly all itchy and twitchy. I'm sure I'll have to do penance for that. I guess I won't go on to tell you about the six rattlesnakes that my merely-half-a-block-away neighbor introduced to the sharp blade of her shovel last summer. No, I won't do that. I think we're good here, right?

It's Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday . . .

7 comments:

Jenni Elyse said...

Please remind me to never visit your home. You've creeped me out enough with the creepy crawlies. *shudders*

Ashley said...

and Sunday comes afterwarrrrrds


I really do hope his decapitation was accidental! That little guy probably eats the tarantulas that are coming into your house! (and he's not venomous)

Deon said...

Yes, Ash, the decapitation really was purely accidental. Christian felt quite bad about it, in fact. Poor Ssssir Thamnophis never had a chance. :(

Beth said...

1-800-Exterminator! Now!!!!

Kathleen said...

Thanks Dee. I read that JUST as I'm going to bed. If I have creepy crawly dreams tonight I'm blaming you. I'd also be looking up the Orkin man in the yellow pages.

Gwyl said...

Hey Deon,
That spider has long enough legs it could probably out run you if it were so inclined!!!
Oh how I hate spiders. As the saying goes, the only good spider is a dead spider.

Lisa said...

And I just hate the rabbits.....