Thursday, July 12, 2012

Four Weddings and a Funeral Walrus

People aren't just whistlin' dixie when they speak of "June brides."  You think that's simply a worn-out and tired cliche--June brides?  Well, I'm here to tell you 'tain't so!  June brides are real, boys and girls, and they have taken over the world!  

Full disclosure:  I was a June bride and so that makes me a board certified expert on the subject; I know whereof I speak.

One recent Saturday in . . . wait for it . . . JUNE(!!!), Dave and I went to not one, not two, not three, but four wedding receptions!  All in the same evening!  In June!  Brides were everywhere!  Also, crepes!  Soup!  Bread!  A candy smorgasbord!  Finger sandwiches!  Paninis!  Macarons! Vegetable trays!  Lemonade in little glass jars!  And, cake, cake, cake, and cake! 

I now feel like even more of an expert (cuz, you know, like I said, being a June bride myself does automatically make me an expert on all things Juney and bridey) after that single evening, and I came away with three observations:

1) The four brides and four grooms were oblivious to anything or anyone except each other.  "Whoops!  There goes the top tier of the cake, Darling!  Aw, who cares as long as I have my sugar right here beside me." *kisskiss* 

2) The four mothers of the brides appeared to be triumphant and euphoric and relishing the role of a four-star general. "We need more Bubba Shrimp put out on the buffet and the cotton candy machine is clogged again!  Come on, people!  Chop, chop!"

3) The four fathers of the brides simply had the look of resignation written all over their faces. "Yes, Dear.  Whatever you want, Dear.  Just take my wallet and have your way with it, Dear."  

Since we all know a wedding truly is about the bride and her mother, and since I have already ridden in that rodeo, and since I have two very eligible bachelor sons to marry off, I am very aware that the correct role of the mother of the groom(s) (that would be me) in this whole wedding deal is:  Wear beige, sit in the corner, and keep your mouth shut.  Those of you who know me well know that just ain't gonna happen.  I'll definitely be wearing something very non-beigey paired with the highest of heels, not be sitting nor be in the corner, and will be whoopin' it up with my mouth wide open, not shutting it the entire day.  

And, I'll love those new daughters-in-law of mine as if they were my own (just as I love son-in-law Jordan {perfect choice, Ash!}) knowing that these girls must be something special (in Ashley's case, Jordan!) in order for my boys to have chosen them to wed.  

Oh!  And, I just may make my grand entrance upon the back of a walrus.  That's just the way I roll.
This walrus just happened to catch my eye (ya think?) as we were leaving reception #4. You should have seen Dave's eyes roll into the back of his head when I made him screech to a halt so we could have a look-see at 
Mr. Walrus just there.  "I am the walrus, goo goo g'joob." 

Sean and Christian have probably already assumed they are doomed to a life of bachelorhood, having to deal with the issue of presenting me as a mother-in-law to potential brides. If we get lucky, perhaps Dave's normalcy will counteract my gooberness and give our boys a tiny smidgeon of a chance . . . 


Kathleen said...

I'd marry one of your son's Dee! While Christian may be the dream boat, he also is a bit too young for me. Sad.

Deon said...

Haha, Kat! Probably so. And, equally dream-boaty Sean is also probably a bit too youngish. Alas :(

Lisa said...

This is the funniest thing you have ever written! You must get this published for all the world to enjoy!

Beth said...

Hilarious! My mother in law motto is . . . Keep your mouth shut and your pocket book open. Seems to be working!

Shane, Liz and all the Crew said...


I have a feeling YOU will be the biggest draw for the daughter-in-laws to be! who wouldn't want the nicest, funniest, trendiest, coolest, mother-in-law in town?

love ya!