I'll Take the Meisterstuck, Please

In the realm of writing instruments, the choices are far and wide: One could go for the exquisite touch of a Montblanc piston fountain pen with 18 K gold nib and platinum inlay set with 4654 diamonds, or, at the other end of the spectrum, one could use a charred piece of kindling from their community cooking fire at the Paradise Acres Mobile Home Park. Maybe just pound your foot on the ground to count out how far down the alphabet to go to spell out your word. I don't really care. Just don't resort to this. It takes too darn long to spell out those really long words like, "thesepeopleareidiots."