Christmas Cheer!

Janie's Got a Gun . . . (Aerosmith)

ATTENTION all of you power-hungry yet musical women: A new product is on the market! Now women (well, men too, but the product is definitely made to appeal to chicks), can shoot their attacker with a "pretty-in-pink" taser while keeping the beat to their favorite song! Yes indeedy, I can get my stylish taser in a designer holster which comes complete with an MP3 player (of all things) so I can ZAP ZAP ZAP as I sway to "Happiness is a Warm Gun," by the Beatles or tap my toe to Eric Clapton's "I Shot the Sheriff." The possibilities are endless when one is looking for suitable musical accompaniment to their shoot 'em up romp: "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" (Pat Benetar); "Saturday Night Special" (Lynyrd Skynyrd); "Guns, Guns, Guns" (Guess Who). A perfect pairing, that taser and MP3 player. Just like swimming naked in the Arctic Ocean.

I'll Take the Meisterstuck, Please

In the realm of writing instruments, the choices are far and wide: One could go for the exquisite touch of a Montblanc piston fountain pen with 18 K gold nib and platinum inlay set with 4654 diamonds, or, at the other end of the spectrum, one could use a charred piece of kindling from their community cooking fire at the Paradise Acres Mobile Home Park. Maybe just pound your foot on the ground to count out how far down the alphabet to go to spell out your word. I don't really care. Just don't resort to this. It takes too darn long to spell out those really long words like, "thesepeopleareidiots."

Emeril Has Nothin' On These Guys!

So Sean received a very spiffy pasta maker from Williams Sonoma courtesy of Santa C. this Christmas.















He set to work making five-star linguini and angel hair while Ashley and Jordan whipped up some stellar marinara, pesto and alfredo sauces. Mmmmm good! (What am I doing
wearing the apron around here?)

These guys are going to give Alton and Giada and Paula a run for their money! My very sincere compliments to the chefs!

See Ya at 90!

I happened across a website featuring a longevity calculator while reading this article from the Salt Lake Tribune, and thought to myself, "Do I dare take the test to find out my life longevity, a silly test which may reveal that I'll be kicking the bucket sooner than my personal agenda prescribes?" I went for it anyway and came up with a respectable 90 years old! Go granny go! Take the test here and let me know your scores. (The site offers a test for those under 49 and those over 49.) We could be the rulers of the geriatric crowd down at the senior center gumming our way through boiled chicken together!

Oooh, La, La!

Christian turns a whopping
15 years old!

Our baby boy (yes, "baby boy," I'm in denial here, folks, so let me be) celebrated his 15th birthday in style with a group of his pals, dining on a French feast (sorta French) followed by the sophisticated foreign (sorta foreign) film, "Ratatouille."

In keeping with the French theme, the dinner menu from Le Magnific' Chez Sagers consisted of: Laitue (salad), des Cuisses de Grenouille (frog legs), des Escargots (snails), du Pain (bread), and Pommes Frites (potatoes). Yum, yum! I think the kids were more than a smidgeon disappointed to see that the frog legs were actually chicken legs and chicken fingers, the snails were actually popcorn shrimp, and the pommes frites were actually French fries. However, they said it was the BEST birthday dinner they had ever had. It was basically junk food (manna for teenagers) served up on fancy platters with pretty little garnishes. The guys in particular seemed to really love the formal table setting with the stemmed goblets so they could "toast" their host often.

Enjoy the birthday video below (Sean offers his apologies for the nausea-inducing camera work).

Happy birthday to the sweetest, happiest, most wonderful son a mom could have!

We love you Christian!

Brown Bagging It

Christian and Sean are such good sports to haul their Mom's little attempts at creativity to school with them for all the world to see on a daily basis. I love you guys! (For all I know, they probably ditch the sack and cram all the contents into their backpack long before they reach their schools . . . but they humor me and don't complain . . . to my face, that is.)

Preference 2007

After an adventurous "day-date" consisting of an Iron Chef Competition, Sean's preference date picks him up for a fun evening of dinner and dancing.

Oh! The secret ingredient for the Iron Chef Competition? (Break open the Pepto Bismal) . . . Vienna sausages. Yes indeedy. Sean's team won the cook-off with some sort of Bisquick Vienna sausage pie thingy (doesn't sound too bad) beating out the other team's Vienna sausage pancakes (eeewww). Those lucky judges!

Enough Said.

(For those with less than steller reading vision . . . ahem . . . double click on the sarcastic little ratfink, good for nothin', rude little snivler of a rodent, and you'll be able to read his glowing commentary a little better. Am I offended? Na uh. Not me. Actually, the little dude is pretty dead on target.) jk-ing

Hail the Queen and King!

The Debate: Does the scepter or the crown wield more power?

Who cares when both are in the family!!!

It's a Beautiful Baby Girl!

(To be sung to the tune of "Java" by Al Hirt {go to itunes for a sample because I'm not computer saavy enough to figure out how to link it to this blog . . .} )

My name is Ashley, and I am a little girl,

Yes I am, yes I am, yes I am a little girl!

My name is Ashley, I'm the cutest in the world,

Yes I am, yes I am, I'm the cutest in the world!

My Daddy tells me so, and my Mommy tells me so,

Yes I am, yes I am, yes I am!!!!!

Happy 23rd birthday to the most precious, sweetest, lovliest girl in the world!

We love you Ashley!!!

Movie Review of "Dreamgirls"

The critics at this house recently viewed and reviewed last year's acclaimed hit, "Dreamgirls" starring Beyonce' (but really starring Jennifer Hudson ala American Idol fame). Our take on the movie? Take a pass. Go watch "West Side Story" for a much more satisfying and delicious musical. We felt it was like comparing a grape to a filet mignon--"Dreamgirls" was sweet for a few moments, then left us hungry for some real substance, sustenance and emotional nutrition. In fact, the more we discussed it, the more we began to dislike the film, leaving us with a decidedly bad taste in our mouths. Don't bother.

Hey! It's the Birthday Boy!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR JORDAN, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!

Q: What did the birthday balloon say to the pin?
A: Hi Buster!

Q: Why was the birthday cake as hard as rock?
A: Because it was a marble cake!

Q: What party game do rabbits like to play?
A: Musical hares!

WE LOVE YOU JORDAN!

It's Just Wrong, Wrong, Wrong

The Salt Lake City Tribune recently reported that because of the tanking of Merrill Lynch (well okay, they didn't actually "tank," but they did report a whopping $2.24 billion quarterly loss, which is pretty much "tanking" in my bankbook . . .), Merrill Lynch is giving the old heave-ho to their CEO with a measely, sniveling exit package worth $161.5 million. What is wrong with this picture, people? Anyone? Anyone? Grrrrrrr, I've got a bee in my bonnet!

Don't Be Too Scared . . .

Halloween was a blast this year! We went to a party, then went to a party, then held a party, then cleaned up the basement for about a gazillion hours. But no matter--it was way fun!!! Here is a glimpse of some of it. Oh, and you may wish to avert your eyes when you come across the obsene plumber's crack . . . that just may scare the living daylights out of you. Enjoy.

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World!

Nope, unfortunately I didn't find "the big dubya," but I felt like I stepped right into a scene from one of the all-time funniest movies evereverever.


Do you remember the scene in "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World!" where "Emiline" is wedged between Jonathan Winters and Milton Berle in the cab of a tow truck? Well. There you have it. Only it wasn't quite so funny as the movie. That was me, wedged between Mr. Tow Truck (Winters) and Dave (Uncle Miltie) staring at a fresh-as-pine car deodorizer dangling in front of my nose as we barrelled down I-15 with the Montero wenched up on the flatbed behind my head and Sean and Christian bobbing around inside of it (illegally, ahem). "Double suspension!" as Sean so succinctly put it after his jarring ride.


A blowout on the freeway was not what we signed up for when we left on an outing to SLC to do some vintage clothes shopping, hit the Broadway Theater for a movie and then on to dinner. But a blowout is what we got. And wouldn't you think, even stretching your imagination just a little bit, that a Firstone Tire store so conveniently near to our recently comandeered shoulder of the freeway would have a tool to remove a stuck lug nut from the spare? Silly me. What could I have been thinking? Somebody bop me on the forehead with a sledgehammer and knock some sense into my noggin'. A tire store with a tool for tires! Good one, that!


Providence was shining upon us, however, since no one was injured as we sat oh so vulnerable as cars raced by at top speed and Dave and Sean crossed not one, but two sections of freeway hauling a 50-pound tire to the not-in-anyway-helpful-Firestone store and back again, and even as Dave laid down in the dirt UNDERNEATH the precariously jacked up Montero trying desparately to shovel out a pocket of sand so the blown out tire could be put back on the car in order for it to be wenched up onto Mr. Tow Truck's flat bed. Whew! Lots of opportunities for Mr. Death to come by to say "howdy!"


Despite his hallitosis, our thanks go out to Mr. Tow Truck Driver for his kindness and patience as we dealt with a non-English speaking insurance representative who drew out this whole process to be much longer than necessary as we sat scrunched side by side in the nifty cab. Me: "No. You don't need to authorize a tow truck. You have already done that. I am sitting in it right now." Insurance representative: "I need to verify your policy number, mam, in order to authorize a tow truck." Me: "Actually, mam, you have done that already. I am sitting in it right now. We just need to have you notate where we are going." Her: "I will be able to call you a tow truck if you will give me your information." Me: "Actually, all we need you to do is . . . ." Her: "Mam, I need to just authorize . . . ." Me: "Dave--it's your turn . . . "


Dinner at Los Hermanos calmed our nerves and satisfied our stomachs. A great game of Sequence polished off a very off-kilter but blessedly safe day.

Arcade Fire!

Okay, so the bar has been raised really, really high for live concert satisfaction. To our extreme pleasure and delight to the point of giddiness, Arcade Fire played an absolutely awesome show at Thanksgiving Point on Wednesday night. All you other bands out there better up the ante because this one will be hard to beat. Ten musicians on stage. Swapping instruments with nearly every song. Energy levels worthy of a hummingbird on Rockstar. A pipe organ complete with exposed pipes for heaven's sake! A dulcimer! An accordian! Many, many guitars! A ginormous baritone tuba-thingy-saxaphonish somethingorother! I wish we could push rewind and see it again so we could savor what we now know was coming our way. Sweet.

Rock On!

For some of the best music you will ever hear, go here http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=25238682 and click on the right hand side where it says in blue, "Cry With the Sky." Yep, that's my boy Sean who wrote the song, sings the vocals and plays an awesome bass, as well as my boy Christian knocking them dead with his drumming, not to mention his charisma.

His Boy Elroy = My Boys = Amazing Geniuses

Arrrr! Today is TLAPD!!!

Okay guys. So it just seems that it was yesterday that September 19th rolled around and brought us one of our favorite and much celebrated days of the year: Talk Like a Pirate Day! (Me landlubbers are scratchin' their noggins, thinking, "Since when have WE celebrated TLAPD? Humor me here, folks.) For the uninitiated, here are a few of the most basic terms to be used on TLAPD. Use them with a smile on your face and a parrot on your shoulder, if possible:

Ahoy! - "Hello!"

Avast! - Stop and give attention. It can be used in a sense of surprise, "Whoa! Get a load of that!" which today makes it more of a "Check it out" or "No way!" or "Get off!"

Aye! - "Why yes, I agree most heartily with everything you just said or did."

Aye aye! - "I'll get right on that sir, as soon as my break is over."

Arrr! - This one is often confused with arrrgh, which is of course the sound you make when you sit on a not too happy wasp. "Arrr!" can mean, variously, "yes," "I agree," "I'm happy," "I'm enjoying this rootbeer," "My team is going to win it all," "I saw that television show, it reeked!" and "That was a clever remark you or I just made." And those are just a few of the myriad possibilities of Arrr!

Shiver me timbers! If I don't want to get keelhauled by Capn Davey, Mad Dog Sean or Mr. Christian, I must be off to brew up some grog and fry up some critters for me motley crue soon to be pullin' up anchor and sloshin' ashore at the Sagers' Wooden Leg Inn. Step smartly now!

Typical Friday Night at the Sagers' Home

You know how a lot of towns have a local hang-out like Arnold's Drive-In or Mel's Diner or the Krusty Krab where kids can be certain to hook up with all their friends? Our nighborhood has the Sagers' Basement. Which is just fine with me. I know who's where and what's up and how's it shakin', and when it will be ending, and why is he with her?, and the answers to all of the classic who,what,why,where,when and how questions that parents should be asking their kids, but often don't seem to want to bother doing. Me? I love it. Just remember to check your shoes at the door.