Tuesday, January 12, 2010

What? I Can't Hear a Thing . . . Wha . . . ?

If a certain event occurs more than four or five years in a row, does that qualify it as a bona fide tradition in the official and government-sanctioned "Traditions to be Kept Forever and Ever and Ever and Ever Handbook?" Cuz, hoo boy, do I have a tradition that hopefully never grows stale. I introduce to you the annual:

Dee & Dave's New Year's Day
Shindig and Wingding
2010 Edition

So here's the lowdown on the Shindig and Wingding. A whole lot of wild and crazy people gather at my house on New Year's Day for a whole lot of wild and crazy food and a whole lot of wild and crazy partying. (This whole wild and crazy party serves as a get together for Dave's side of the fam; I kind of twist my sister's and my mom's arms to come join in the hooha.) The most anticipated part of the Wingding is the white elephant gift exchange. It never fails to dissolve into a down and dirty brawl between the two grandmas over some snively little gift they each wanted. JUST KIDDING!!! Grandma Pauline? Grandma Bea? Just kidding, dears. (Uh oh. What did I just do?)

One particular gift keeps coming back year after year to haunt our party, sort of like "Bob" in "What About Bob?" It just never goes away. After the first year, it started turning up with a $5 bill attached in an effort by its current owner to just "GET THE THING AWAY FROM ME!" Truth be told, this was a gift given to me at a Girls Night Out where each girlfriend was to bring a tasteful $20 holiday-themed gift. Whoa.

Interestingly, this year several gifts were brought to our Wingding which are rather disturbing. Truly. I have a feeling we'll be seeing some of these gifts rearing their ugly heads at future Wingdings. Beware all! At this rate, the goal of the white elephant gift exchange will switch from trying to snag something quasi-decent to trying with all one's might to avoid being saddled with a parasite, as it were.

So now, let's see if you can spot the object of (non)desire.

What you can't see because of the $5 bribe largesse, is that the face of one of the wisemen is actually a ghastly green color in what I can only assume was the manufacturer's attempt at racial diversity. But why green? I know it seems sacrilegious to shun something depicting this holiest of events in our world's history, but I know I'm not the only one. After one of our Shindings a couple of years back, I had to chase the rightful owner out to her car and basically huck the thing into her backseat as she tore away. I think I saw her beating on her steering wheel sobbing, "Why? Why me? Why?"

Ever tried opening a many-times
wrapped candy bar wearing oven mitts?
The over-18 crowd got pretty rambunctious and unruly.

The under-18 crowd actually played by the rules.

The Carol of the Bells it ain't, but its not too shabby for non-union musicians. Have a listen:

Right here on our stage, for all you youngsters
out there, we have a really big shoe! . . . The Beatles!!!
Er, no. I mean, The Deafeners!
I just dare ya to watch this to the bitter end. I double-dog dare ya. Just when you think the torture is finally over . . . not!!!
I hear Miracle Ear makes a really great product.
You may want to check into it.

Coming soon: Visions of Shindig and Wingdings Past


Melissa said...

Seriously, lady! You know how to host a party!! Now, tell me...WHAT IN THE HECK IS THAT GREEN PUFFY BLOB? Is that a teddy bear with feather shoulder pads? Whatever it is....it's disturbing!

The Morris Family said...

I love in the last video Grandma sitting there. I can only imagine what she is thinking. She is saying to herself "How did I get roped into coming to this thing...again?!?"
Looks like you guys had a great party! What wonderful white elephant did you end up with?

Ashley said...

Fun, fun, fun! I'm glad this has become a beloved tradition! We ended up with a little stuffed Snoopy dog and a "Nutquacker": a duck that quacks a song from the Nutcracker and dances on the floor. Kimball loves them!

Jenni Elyse said...

How fun! My family used to do something like that, but everyone lives so far away now. I thought the dreaded gift was the one in the 5th picture.

Lisa said...

Okay. Have you forgotten those beautiful White Elephant gifts that we dropped back and forth on our doorsteps for several years??? A stunning green vase and a elf-like person? Hmmmmmmmm?

Deon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Deon said...

Melissa, you are pretty close with your description of the green puffy blob! It is a bear with feathered wings. Explain that one to me and I'll buy you Cafe' Rio :)

Lisa, no way have I forgotten the dumping of the lovely white elephant gifts on each other's doorsteps. As a matter of fact, I believe that it was YOU GUYS who dumped the green vase on the front seat of our car only moments after you had received the lovely thing. There were other beautiful gifts that went back and forth between us as well which you may have forgotten, but I haven't. I pulled them out a few weeks ago with the intention to somehow lay them again on their rightful owners' doorstep (YOURS). So long story short--no I have not forgotten your kindness towards us. Just be on the lookout, that's all I've got to say.

Beth said...

I'm thinking that next years invitations need to have a disclaimer that earplugs are optional!

Alison said...

I have some very fond memories of that wisemen thing...mostly involving coming up with ways to disguise it for your shindig! Wish we could have been there.