Friday, December 24, 2010

The Partridge in the Pear Tree is Calling It a Day





(In all of the excitement to complete our reign as our neighborhood's
shifty cat burglars extraordinaire, I forgot to snap a pic of our final surprise, so this google image will have to act as the
understudy tonight.)



On the TWELFTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS
those twelve awesome drummers drummed with their
spiffy new drumsticks . . . the drumming sounded really cool
but the drumsticks left behind one sticky MESS!

. . . my true love gave to me
twelve drummers drumming,
eleven pipers piping,
ten lords a-leaping,
nine ladies dancing,
eight maids a-milking
seven swans a-swimming
six geese a-layin'
five goooooooooolden rings!
four calling birds,
three french hens,
two turtle doves,
and a partridge in a pear tree!



I wish you all a very, very . . .

Now, I've got to scamper. The clock is ticking and there is still much to do. I'm crossing my fingers that those stellar UPS guys deliver through the night because there is lots of stuff missing from under my Christmas tree. I'm pretty sure my stuff will arrive by morning. It will, won't it? I'm counting on a big hunkin' cardboard box to appear on my front doorstep any minute now. Aaaaaaaaaaany minute now. Biting my lip, wringing my hands. What if I sang the "Wells Fargo Wagon" song really, really loudly, do you think my delivery will come? Any minute now, guys. This would be a really good time to show up, guys. Right about NOW. Yesiree, this would be just the perfect time to pull up in your brown van and chuck a great big box at my front door. Okay, here I go, "O-ho, the Wells Fargo Wagon is a-comin' down the street . . . ." Puuuuuuleeeeze? I've got fruitcake for you UPS guys if you make my delivery. Ah. I just blew my chances, didn't I? Well, merry, merry Christmas anyway!

Thursday, December 23, 2010


On the ELEVENTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS

the eleven pipers piped their frosting so well,

they graduated from culinary school with

high honors!



. . . my true love gave to me
eleven pipers piping,
ten lords a-leaping,
nine ladies dancing,
eight maids a-milking
seven swans a-swimming
six geese a-layin'
five goooooooooolden rings!
four calling birds,
three french hens,
two turtle doves,
and a partridge in a pear tree!

Whew! I'm out of breath! Are you out of breath? I'm soooo out of breath! What? You mean you haven't been singing all of those verses to this song with me? C'mon! Get in the holiday spirit! Sing your little heart out and annoy your friends and loved ones with this most hated beloved Christmas song of all time! People! I caaaaaaan't hear you! Okay, here we go! All together now, "On the first day of Christmas my true . . . " Guys! Don't make me do this by myself! Whenever I sing by myself the dogs in the neighborhood howl their fool heads off, and then phones start ringing, and people start hollering, and it turns ugly in a hurry. Now, COME! ON! Here we go, a-one and a-two, "On the first day . . . " Ah, darn. There goes my phone . . .

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Hi! We're Your Friendly Neighborhood Prowlers






On the TENTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS

the normally very reserved British lords started

a-leaping with joy when they received

their favorite sweet: English toffee!

Pip, pip, cheerio and all that rot!



. . . my true love gave to me
ten lords a-leaping,
nine ladies dancing,
eight maids a-milking
seven swans a-swimming
six geese a-layin'
five goooooooooolden rings!
four calling birds,
three french hens,
two turtle doves,
and a partridge in a pear tree!


Glory be! I think we've bumped into just about every single resident in our neighborhood as we've been skulking around making our deliveries. There is only so much one can say when getting caught lurking in the neighbors' bushes:

"Hehe . . . don't mind us. "We're, uh, just, uh, hanging out behind these lovely shrubs for, um, um, for a fun family get together! Yeah! That's it! We're, um, having our get together out here because, um, becaaaaaaause . . . because the bushes are just so, um, so fresh! And green! Yeah! They're so fresh and green, and, uh, we just wanted to have our get together while being surrounded by freshness! And greeness! So, uuuuh, we'll just be moseying along now . . . . "

Good grief.


Christian bribed this guy with an extra nose and
a second pair of eyes in exchange for his not
ratting us out.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Granny HEARTS Saturday Night Fever!








On the NINTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS
those little old ladies danced at the disco for
so long that they had to use these canes to help them hobble home.
(Ouch!)




. . . my true love gave to me
nine ladies dancing,
eight maids a-milking
seven swans a-swimming
six geese a-layin'
five goooooooooolden rings!
four calling birds,
three french hens,
two turtle doves,
and a partridge in a pear tree!


People are so kind. Sooooo kind. We had another "WOW!" experience tonight at one of our deliveries. Actually, we didn't even notice anything out of the ordinary until we did our usual return-to-the-scene-of-the-crime foolhardiness just to make sure our little offerings had been picked up by our intended recipients and not by the neighborhood dog who might just happen by and decides he needs a little schnack.

As we were cruising by the house ever so slowly, trying to make our car squish down as flat as possible in a pitiful attempt to be inconspicuous, Sean noticed a little bistro table set out on the front porch of the home. We commented that the table wasn't there on our other nightly forays, so Christian was dispatched to go back to check it out. Yup. Wow is right! Sweetness came our way again. This is what we found:
Homemade flan!



The lovely note reads:


To our 12 days of Christmas angels:
We are honored and grateful for your kindness and love for our family. Your amazing thoughtfulness will never, ever be forgotten.

______ & ______ are sooooo . . . excited . . . to read the cards and the treats. They anxiously wait every night for the delivery of the goodies & try to guess ahead of time, what the clever interpretation will be.

Please enjoy the flan as a simple & humble thank you for all of your wonderful efforts.

Love _______

P.S. Boy you run fast! :)

Jeepers. Who knew? The truth of the matter is that WE are the ones who are reaping tons and tons of joy and happiness and excitement from all of this hullabaloo. Awesome how that whole "performing-service-for-others-thing" tends bless us more than the servees. Crazy how it does that. Every single time.

And, yes. We are fast!

Monday, December 20, 2010

Got Milk?





On the EIGHTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS
the eight maids were a-milking,
but all we wanted was their
milk CHOCOLATE!



. . . my true love gave to me
eight maids a-milking
seven swans a-swimming
six geese a-layin'
five goooooooooolden rings!
four calling birds,
three french hens,
two turtle doves,
and a partridge in a pear tree!



And speaking of milk:

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Bake at 350 for 30 Minutes




On the SEVENTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS
seven swans were a-swimming . . .
but they froze! (Gasp!)


. . . my true love gave to me
seven swans a-swimming
six geese a-layin'
five goooooooooolden rings!
four calling birds,
three french hens,
two turtle doves,
and a partridge in a pear tree!

I know I don't need to explain this to YOU, but for my OTHER readers, I'll help them along by pointing out that for tonight's drop we delivered frozen pot pies made by SWANSON. As in, seven SWANSON a-swimming. Get it? Nyuk, nyuk. Like I said, I know YOU didn't need that spelled out for you because you are super smart and totally get my humor. Right? Right? RIGHT? Hello? Guys? Yoohoo! Guys?

Saturday, December 18, 2010

As Graceful as a Gazelle



On the SIXTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS
those geese were really a-layin' egg-NOG!


. . . my true love gave to me
six geese a-layin'
five goooooooooolden rings!
four calling birds,
three french hens,
two turtle doves,
and a partridge in a pear tree!

As the runner for tonight's deliveries, Christian nearly fell smack dab into a holiday party that was just winding up at the home of our first drop. We could clearly see that people were in the entryway putting on coats, scarves, gloves, and deciding which pair of shoes they wanted to surreptitiously put on and walk out the door wearing. (BTW, did you know one can really scam on some super cute holiday heels that way if one was so inclined . . . . Hey! Don't look at me! I didn't take your Jimmy Choos! Must have been Dave. jk. jk! I. am. just. kidding!) Whatever.

So! Back at the ranch . . . can I just say that in another life Christian must have been some sort of gazelle, because tonight he high-tailed it and ran full speed across the home's front porch, rang the bell, set down the nog and the nog-enhancer* on the front mat,
didn't pause for even a split-second while doing so, loped
on around the corner and scampered out of sight. No Jimmy Choo wearing person inside the house was the wiser.



*Nog-enhancer: A non-alcoholic drink which, when added to a goblet of eggnog, makes the whole concoction turn a really, really pretty shade of cherry blossom pink. And cherry blossom pink, in my opinion, is what makes the world go round, dontcha know.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Wow. Wow, Wow, Wow!




On the FIFTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS
we give you the coveted five golden rings! (Ooh, aah!) Okay, okay. We'll give you the whole stash, cuz five golden rings aren't nearly enough to satisfy.


. . . my true love gave to me
five goooooooooolden rings!
four calling birds,
three french hens,
two turtle doves,
and a partridge in a pear tree!


Well.

Well.

We certainly were NOT expecting this turn of events: As we made our deliveries this evening, we found a wonderful surprise for us sitting on a little stool on the porch at our second drop. Just goes to show what one's very small gestures of goodwill may mean to others. It seems that our humble, nerdy offerings ("humble" and "nerdy" being the operative words here) have somehow touched hearts.
And now, we are on the receiving end of that goodwill, and
our hearts are, indeed, touched in return. Awesome.



The note reads:

Secret "12 days of Christmas"
Santa--

Thank you so much for your sweet act of kindness. It makes us so happy and really makes us feel good that you chose us to do this for. My kids are so excited and look forward to each night to see what the "Secret Santa" will bring us. So very creative by the way! :) You don't understand how happy, loved, excited & special you made us feel. We only hope to give you a little piece of the gesture with this banana bread. It's the least we can do. :) You are so awesome! Thanks again!

Merry Christmas

P.S. You guys are FAST!


So sweet.



He's Mine!



Christian recently celebrated his 18th birthday!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
TO ONE OF THE MOST
EXTRAORDINARY SOULS TO
EVER WALK THE EARTH!





My love for Christian is without end and impossible
to put into words, hence my delay in posting
about his birthday. I nearly cry with frustration at my inability to completely express my love for this incredible spirit. So, this will just have to do.

Christian is brimming over with talent, kindness, thoughtfulness, cheerfulness, love for others, love for the Lord, and so much, much more. I basically hyperventilate with admiration and pride for him and all that he is.

Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I could be so blessed to be the mother of this extraordinary boy. Mark my words: Big things are ahead for Christian! (And some big things have already happened! Watch for future posts . . . ) I LOVE THIS CHILD WITH EVERY SINGLE SPECK OF
MY BEING!!!



(Five days ago . . . )



Thursday, December 16, 2010

Toot! Toot!




On the FOURTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS,
call your birds home, PLEASE!
(These horns may help.)


. . . my true love gave to me
four calling birds,
three french hens,
two turtle doves,
and a partridge in a pear tree!


Just as he promised, Dave was the one who sacrificed life and limb for tonight's escapades. Or, should I say, "ice"capades? Look out everybody! He's sliding outta control down that steep driveway! Aaaaiiiiiiiii . . . . Dave? Dave? Oh, Dave. Yoohoo! How many fingers am I holding up? Eleven? Close enough. You're fine.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010



On the THIRD DAY OF CHRISTMAS the French hens don't
want your dinner to go afoul (or be "a fowl") so we give
you this French bread instead.


. . . my true love gave to me
three french hens,
two turtle doves,
and a partridge in a pear tree!

(I did the ding-dong-ditching tonight, and can I just throw this out there?: Let's celebrate Christmas during July next year, k? My fingers and toes would really appreciate it. Thanks bunches!)

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

The Game is Afoot!





. . . my true love gave to me
two turtle doves and a
partridge in a pear tree!

(You can't tell from the pic because my big hunkin' notes are so rudely in the way, but we delivered many more than just two turtles and/or doves as the song would suggest we do. Santa doesn't hang with stingy people, and we're just trying to cover our bases here, folks. And, don't try to pretend you don't do your share of brown-nosing with Santa either. I know you better than that.)

Monday, December 13, 2010

The Illegal Trespassing Has Begun!



Last year our covert drops were a ton of fun, consisting of lots of singing of carols in our car, braving blizzardy blizzards, pointing out funky Christmas decor (a blowup Rudolph doing the can-can on two legs? what the hey?), and generally having a hoot n' a holler of a time anticipating the recipients' dread reaction to yet another delivery being left on their porch. Oh, not to mention the simple joy of being compadres in the fine art of trespassing.

Alas, last year's excellent adventure required a one and one-half hour roundtrip drive for each day's drop. By the end of our 12 days of sneaky-hood, I'm pretty sure we gassed up enough to single-handedly fund BP Petroleum's legal team who are at this very moment being handsomely paid to deflect mega lawsuits over "drops" (ahem) of their own.

We're not slackers. Hey! We're not! But, we decided to go easy on ourselves this year and do our illegal trespassing derring-do upon private properties that are just around the corner and down the road from us a smidge. Not quite as much opportunity for car caroling, but somehow Dave, Sean and Christian seem to be just dandy with that. I, on the other hand, do miss those one and one-half hours each night when I could really belt out that barking "Jingle Bell Dogs" song over and over. On a different matter, Dave's facial twitch has completely disappeared. Huh. Too weird.


Saturday, December 11, 2010

This is So Me!

I bought a great little somethin' somethin' for myself in October. It seems that my purchase and I have A LOT in common. I'm sure you will soon see that the following list applies to both my new accessory as well as to me:


A little flighty and fluffy? Check.

A bit froufrou and girly? Check.

A touch impractical and indulgent? Check.

Fashion over comfort every. single. time? Check.

Flashes of witchiness now and then? Check and double check that.



So, what do you suppose I bought that is froufrou, girly, impractical, indulgent, fashionable but not necessarily comfortable, a smidge witchy, and soooooooooooo me? See if you can guess. I've graciously provided a few visual clues for you:














TA DA!!!



The witchiness seems to outshine the froufrou and sass, doesn't it. YIKES. I'm making a New Year's resolution to make sure I leave the witchiness to my hat and ramp up the fluffiness in myself. Hold me to it.

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

BOO! (Part V)

Grandma Pauline, who was channeling Martha Stewart during Martha's dark "Folsom Prison Blues" days {thank ya, Johnny Cash}, and Grandpa Richard, who was channeling Mister Death Came a-Knockin', threw their annual Halloween Blowout for any and all takers who were brave enough to face up to this nearly unrecognizable duo. (If you look closely though, you will be able to see that, indeed, it is Grandpa Richard lurking under that hood! I'd know him anywhere! I think it was his facial expression that gave him away . . . .)






Miss Folsom Prison Blues and Mister Death Came a-Knockin' certainly know how to do it up right! The decor, the ambiance, and the food were worthy of Martha Stewart's praise, even if Grandma Pauline did steal Martha's jailbird style to call her own. Frankly, I think Martha would have been quite flattered by Grandma's homage to the prison stripes.







Allow me to state right here that I know I have some fairly eccentric hangups, and you're about to learn about one of them. I don't mean to offend. It's not you. It's me. Some people can't stand nails being dragged down a chalkboard. Me? For me it is having pantyhose on my head. I know for most people that's just dandy. It's just me. Just realize that as you read on:

So, what's with the funky burglar disguises you ask? (See blackmail worthy photos below.) Well, I'll try to gag my way through this explanation without suffocating at the very thought of pantyhose being on someone's face. Seriously? Pantyhose, people! Pantyhose are not for the face. Oh, the very thought . . . gaaaa gaaa gaaaaa, I don't think I can manage to go on without being si . . .

Whistling. Tick, tock. Tick, tock.

Okay. I'm back. BTW, have you ever noticed how cool the tile on a bathroom floor can be on the side of your face? Just sayin'.

Now, where was I? Oh, yeah. That. Well, the object of this ga . . . ga . . . gag . . . g-a-m-e (whew!) is to see how many pint-size water bottles one can knock over while wearing the pantyhose on one's head. (It's pantyhose, people! not facehose!!!) As a bonus, to complete the entire you-are-kidding-me-right?-look, said pantyhose contained a tennis ball in one foot, which tennis ball was swung toward the water bottles set up on the floor in an effort to knock them down before one's opponent manages to do the same. Oh, my stars, I don't think I can even finish this with a straight face. Anywho, the secondary (although unspoken) object of the game is to determine who will inhale the pantyhose first and keel over and DIE. RIGHT. THERE. Cuz, I swear, that's what would have happened to yours truly--I came this close to doing just that while merely observing this hoohah. No way, no how, was I going to put that pantyhose over my face. Especially after it had been shared by who knows how many others. My junior high health teacher did teach me at least that. Her voice is still ringing in my ears: "Do not share used pantyhose. The end." (Or at least, I'm sure that's what she would have said had she been faced with a pair of used pantyhose. I'm quite sure she would have said that. Pretty darn sure she would have said that.)



The heavens be praised that Grandma and Grandpa put this spectacular party together for all of us crazy folk who were all dressed up with no place to go! Honestly, Dave would have gone ballistic when and if those security guards at BYU's LaVell Edwards Stadium would have had to destroy his dreams and escort him off the football field probably yelling after him, "FOR THE LAST TIME, DON'T CALL US! WE'LL CALL YOU!" Pouty Dave would have been impossible to live with after that had it not been for this party where he could go and toot his little yellow whistle. Thank you so much, Grandma Pauline and Grandpa Richard!

Friday, December 03, 2010

Didja Get on Our Wall?

















. . . and, now I give much thanks
for each of you!